Never felt so lonely… :((

Ooh man… Never felt so lonely throughout my life, and it has been quite a long one (just under 27yrs ;) ). Always had people around me with whom I could share my ups and downs, joy and sadness, triumph and failure; and then they would feel happy when I shared my joy and buck me up when I was down!! Those were the days when I had spent enough time for all my friends; and used to look for a reason to spend time with everyone and say ‘Work emundi le, eppudaina chesede’.

Days have passed and the time I spend has reduced drastically. But I am quite sure I still have them around and can share whatever I want to, with them, at any time; the only difference is that earlier I spent time so frequently that they would just have a glance at my face and read my mind, that’s not the case now as the meetings and chatting are relatively limited. But I know they are just a phone call, rather a missed call away!! 

Everything seems fine, and then what makes me feel lonely!!?? As always, I suppose it’s my thought that has done me in again. It says – “U fool, they have their own damn important things to worry about. Why disturb them just to have a meaningless chat and say ‘inkenti viseshalu’!!”. It is right at this thought that I put down my phone that I had picked up to speak to them; or else I just send ‘em a message rather than speaking to them. I sometimes feel that it is not me, but…

And then I only find time to crack a joke on myself and see my brother have a hearty laugh, or laugh at myself before going to sleep. The same cycle continues the next day and so on. Wonder how long this is going to continue and whether what I am doing is right or not, but that’s the way it is at the moment. In fact, I have been trying to adjust to this much like a true “Indian” who tries to adjust to whatever comes to them; and guess what, I haven’t been successful as yet and I know I wouldn’t be either!!

To be frank I think this is the situation many of us are in and I just put forth this content on their behalf, me included of-course. Hope things fall into place and we don’t have to “adjust” as much!!

PS: Finding it difficult even to end the post with a smiley, but do keeps that smile going on your face; it’s quite valuable!!

–Cheers,
Sudha Rani